Ukususela ebuntwaneni, sonke sikhumbula iimbali zothando olukhulu, apho abalinganiswa "bephila ngokuvuyisayo." Kwaye wonke umntu ufuna ukuba le mvakalelo iphakame ebomini bakhe kwaye ayizange iphele. Kodwa, ngelishwa, kwenzeka kuphela kwiingxelo zamagama. Kwaye izazinzulu zivakalisa ukuba uthando luhlala iminyaka emithathu. Kodwa kutheni uthando ludlulayo kwaye luthandana ngokulahlekelwa ukuqiqa abantu emva kwexesha ligijima kwaye lidlula? Masizame ukucacisa le nto.
Uthando ludlula ixesha elingakanani?
Izinto ezininzi kweli hlabathi zimele zifike kwiinqanaba ezithile zophuhliso. Ezi ziquka ubudlelwane babantu. Umjikelo opheleleyo uhamba kwiinqanaba ezi-5: ukuzalwa, ukuphuhliswa, ukuphela, ukubhujiswa, ukufa. Kulo mzekelo, kukho ukungafani, nangona kunjalo, uninzi lwentsebenziswano ebaluleke kakhulu yoluntu kwaye luphuhlise ngokwalo mthetho. Kwaye ukuba ukuzalwa kubonakalisa iintloni kunye nezimemo ezingakhuselekanga ukuya kumhla, ukutshatyalaliswa kuthetha ukutshintshwa kweholide ehlala phantsi kwindlela yokuqhelekileyo, kunye nokufa, kwaye kukho konke, kunokubangela abantu abangaziwayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo abantu abanxulumene nabo kwisigaba sokugqibela banokubonakala ngokukhawuleza - banobomi obuqhelekileyo, abantwana, imoto, i-dacha kunye kunye kunye kunye nomkhwa ngaphezu kokuthanda kakhulu.
Kodwa kutheni oku kwenzeka? Uthando lwethu luya phi?
Akusiyo imfihlo kunoma ubani ukuba iimvakalelo zokuthandana kubangelwa iinkqubo zeekhemikhali. Kodwa ngaphandle kwale propati kukho iindlela zokukhusela, eziphi uhlobo olusifake kulo. Enye yeendlela ezinjalo yinkqubo yokulungelelanisa-oko kukuthi, ukuba i-stimulus okanye uphawu evela kummandla wangaphandle ungena kumaziko okukhathazeka kwengqondo ixesha elide, baqala ukunciphisa ubuzwe babo, kwaye kamva bayeke ukuqonda le mqondiso. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba uyitye umntu ngomzuzwana ngemizuzu emithathu, uvakalelo luya kuthoma, kwaye emva kwemizuzu eyi-15 baya kubonakala bengabonakali. Kuyafana nababhemayo abathi, ekuhambeni kwexesha, bayeke ukuva iphunga lecuba elivela kubo. Ukuguqulwa kwamagama kungeyona nje kuphela kwiintsingiselo, kodwa nakwi-psyche yethu. Ngamanye amagama, umntu usetyenziselwa yonke into. Kubandakanya ubuhlobo. Uthando lwethu luhlala kumaziko omnxeba wengqondo. Kwaye ukuba siyiqonda le ntliziyo njengenjabulo, ulonwabo olungenamkhawulo, ukunyamekela kunye neemvakalelo, ngoko ke ukulungelelanisa iindlela eziyimpembelelo yangempela yokusinda. Kwaye kungakhathaliseki ukuba bazama kangakanani, ekugqibeleni baya kuhamba kamva okanye kamva. Iingqondi zithi uthando alufi, kodwa luphela luye lube lunye luvo. Kwaye kulungile ukuba ubuhlobo obushushu kunye nothando. Kodwa kwenzeka ukuba kuza kwenzondo okanye ukuhlukana ngokupheleleyo. Ukuze ugweme imeko yesibini, kubalulekile ukuqonda indlela yokuchonga ukuba uthando luye lwadlula.
Uyakuqonda njani ukuba uthando ludlulile?
Uninzi lwabantu benza iimpazamo ebuhlotsheni babo ngenxa yokufaka endaweni engafanelekanga. Abantu bathatha uthando ukuvakalelwa ngokulula kokuthandana, xa umntu elungileyo, kwaye kubonakala ukuba ulungile kwiindleko zethu. Njengoko ulwalamano lukhula, umkhusane uqala ukuphazamisa, kwaye sibona umntu ngokunyaniseka kwakhe, kungekhona kwinto esinokuyibona. Isiqingatha sobudlelwane sele sagqityiwe kule nqanaba. Enye inxalenye iyaqhubeka ikhula kwaye ikhula, isetyenziswe kwaye ihamba ngokuthe ngqo kwiimeko zangempela zezinto. Kodwa kuhlala kusekhona inxalenye yabantu apho ubudlelwane buba buhlushwa. Emva koko uthando luqala ukufa. Uyazi njani ukuba uthando luye lwadlula? Yonke into ilula ngokwaneleyo. Yintoni oyenzayo xa ungathandi ukutya, igumbi okanye into ethile? Uqala ukuwuphepha, uzame kangangoko kunokwenzeka ukuba ube khona, kuphi na into ongayithandiyo. Ngokomgaqo, uyaqhubeka uphila ubomi bakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuba yiyiphi into, kodwa ukuba ngokukhawuleza kufuneka ube sisondele kuye, uyanyamezela, yenza umzamo ngokwakho, njl. Vumelani ukuba bangayi kuqaphela le migaqo kunzima. Kwaye zixhalabele zombini kwezi zihlandlo - xa uyeka ukuzithandayo, okanye ukuyeka ukuthanda.
Kuthiwani ukuba uqaphela ukuba uthando luye lwadlula? Ukuba uqaphela ukunyuka kweemvakalelo ezivela kumlingani wakho, kuyafaneleka ukuba uhlale phantsi uze uthethe intliziyo yakhe entliziyweni. Ngaphandle kwemvakalelo kunye neentlekele. Yilungele ukukhulula umntu kuwo onke macala amane, kuba sele uyayazi ukuba konke akuxhomekanga kuye, kodwa kwiindlela zokulungelelanisa. Ukuba lo mbandela uphathelene nawe, ngoko unokukhetha ezi zikhethiweyo:
- Gqiba kwi ngxoxo. Chaza kumntu wonke. Xa ude uthabatha, umququze uyenze kanye emva komntu othandekayo.
- Zithathele isigqibo esingeke siphenduke. Ungalilahli ithemba lokuba ngelinye ilanga yonke into iya kuqhubeka
- Musa ukuxhomekeka ekukhohliseni, ukugubha, ukukhala, kunye neentlungu. Khumbula ukuba yonke into kweli hlabathi ixeshana kwaye yonke into iyadlula.
- Musa ukuzisola ngomntu ofuna ukuwahlula naye. Intlungu yenza umntu abe buthathaka. Ewe, kwaye kungekhona le mvakalelo yokuhlala kufuphi, xa iimvakalelo zingekho.
- Ubuncinane kwizame zokuqala ukungaxubushelani nomdla wangaphambili. Oku kunokutolika njengenzame yokubuyisela yangaphambili.
Enye inketho ibhekisela kwimeko xa ungafuni ukushiya umthandayo. Kulo mzekelo kuyafaneleka ukuhlaziya iimvakalelo zakho. Mhlawumbi kufuneka ukhululeke komnye nomnye, okanye uthathe uhambo kunye. Ukutshintsha imeko yindlela efanelekileyo yokuqinisa ubudlelwane.
Asikwazi ukumisa umzuzu omhle ngayo yonke intando. Nangona kunjalo, ukunyusa kuthi kweli phepha. Khumbula ukuba ulwalamano luphezu komsebenzi omkhulu. Ngaphezulu kwakho nangaphezu komthandayo. Oku kukuxhathisa ubunzima bokuphila kunye nobunzima. Uthando alufi. Uphinde azalwe kwelinye ilizwe elinobubele kunye nelisezantsi lomthando kunye nobuhlobo. Ukufezekisa ukuvela kwale mibutho ehlaziyiweyo emva kokuba ubomi obude obudibeneyo bubaluleke kakhulu kubo bonke abaxabisa abathandekayo babo kwaye bayazi apho uthando luhamba khona.