Naliphi na i-phobia isilinganisela kuyo nayiphi na into. Ukwesaba ukuhamba ngeenqwelo ezindizayo kusinceda sibe nethuba ngokukhawuleza kwaye siphumelele indlela. Ukwesaba iindawo eziphakamileyo akusayi kukuvumela ukuba ube nolwaphulo kunye nenconywa yokubhabha kwibhaluni lomoya oshisayo. Kukho imizekelo emininzi, kodwa isigqibo sinye: ukwesaba kwenza umntu umntu okhubazekile. Ukuba loo nto ayikufanelanga, ke kunye nama-phobias akho kufuneka ulwa. Namhlanje siya kuthetha malunga nendlela yokulahla ukwesaba kwabantu.
Yintoni esiyithethayo?
Ukwesaba ukunxibelelana nabantu akuyona ingxaki eqhelekileyo kwifom ecacileyo. Injabulo phambi kokuba umntu omaziyo nomntu omtsha avela phantse wonke umntu. Kwaye bambalwa abantu abanesifo esibi kakhulu-ukwesaba abanye abantu abangaziwayo.
Izizathu zalo mqondiso zi:
- ukuxhaphazwa kwabantwana ebuntwaneni. Nayiphi na i-phobia ivela ebuntwaneni, kwintsapho. Ngokuqhelekileyo ngaba ngabazali abajongene nale nto okanye ukwesaba komntwana wabo. Ukungena, ukunyamekela kunye nokungazi ngokusemthethweni imithetho yokukhuliselwa kunokukhokelela ekukhathazeka kwengqondo kwengqondo kumntwana. Kwixesha elizayo kufuneka aphile nalawa;
- iziganeko zobundlobongela nokuxhatshazwa. Umntwana oye wabona umfanekiso ofanayo okanye, ngokugqithiseleyo, wabona ubungqina obunjalo, uya kulungiswa ngonaphakade kwiingcamango zabantu. Xa sele esemdala, uya kuba noloyiko kwabanye, abaphathe ngokungakholelwa, okanye uya kubangela abanye abantu ingozi;
- kubodwa xa bekhulile. Ezo zinto zifana nokwesaba isihlwele esikhulu sabantu, ukunxibelelana nabo kungenzeka kumntu omdala. Isizathu sixinzelelo oluqinileyo, olubangele ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo. Ukufa komntu othandekayo, umlingane okanye umntwana ufana. Umntu uvale yena ngokwakhe, uhamba kude nabantu, inyaniso, uhoxise kuye. Ufuna uncedo, kuba akunakwenzeka ukuba uphume kweli lizwe ngokuzimela;
- iingxaki, ukuzithoba. Ukuba umntu uhlala ecinezela umntu, uhlazisa, uhlambalaza isidima kunye nesithunzi sakhe, ngoko unokumphulaphula. Ukwesaba abantu kuya kwandisa kwandiswe kwaye kuholele ekuqhelweni komntu ngamnye.
Iyiphi indlela ebonakala ngayo?
Ukwesaba abantu (i-social phobia) kuneempawu ezilandelayo:
- umnqweno wokuphepha ukuhlangana nesihlwele;
- ukungafuni ukuqhelana nabantu abatsha;
- nga thembeli kwabanye;
- ukwesaba ukuhlawula;
- Ingqondo engenakuthatheka kwinkampani;
- ukwahlukana kunye nokuqonda;
- uxhala kunye noxhala;
- i-malaise engokwenyama: isisulu, isisu, isithukuthezi, isifo sesifo;
- ubunzima bokunxibelelana;
- ukungaqondi abanye abantu;
- ukunyanzela ukubaleka, ukuthatha umhlalaphantsi, ukufihla kuwo wonke umntu.
Unyango lwelo hlobo, njengoko ukwesaba abantu kufuneka kwenziwe, okokuqala, ngeendlela zokwakheka kwengqondo. Ukuba uyaphawula le ndlela yokuziphatha, uzive ukhulula ukwesaba kwakho, uze ucele uncedo kwi-psychologist.
Zama ukubheka kuzo zonke izinto ezintle. Thembela abantu abaninzi, zama ukubona kubo, isidima sabo. Emva kwakho konke, wonke umntu unokukhathazeka, nokuba nawe.