"Ukuba ndifumene ukuba ndikhulelwe, ndimele ndiyenze ntoni na?" - Lo mbuzo, ewe, ukhathazeka ngamnye umntu oqala ukumbona 2 uthabatha uvavanyo lokukhulelwa kwabo. Kodwa uninzi lwazo zonke izinto ezibangelwa ukwethuka kubangela ukuba le miphumo xa umama ozayo engekho iminyaka eyi-18 ubudala. Akukho nto uyenzayo ukuba uyenze kwabasetyhini abakhulelweyo ongazi, nokuba ungaxeleli njani abazali kunye noyise wengane ezayo njengeendaba.
Ndicinga ukuba ndikhulelwe, ndenze ntoni emva koko?
Ngaphambi kokwethuka, kufuneka uqiniseke ngokukhulelwa kwakho. Ukulibaziseka okuncinci kungabikho miphumo yokukhulelwa, ngeli nqanaba umjikelezo wesisombululo uqala kuphela. Ngoko ke, ukuba uqale, kufuneka ukuba wenze iimvavanyo ezininzi zokukhulelwa okanye uye kwi-intsebenziswano yabasetyhini, apho bahlalutya khona i-HCG - kuya kukuvumela ukuba ubone ukuba ukukhulelwa kubakho kunye nekota.
Kuthekani ukuba ndafunda ukuba ndikhulelwe?
Emva kokukhulelwa kuqinisekiswa, kufuneka uzimisele ukushiya umntwana okanye ukhuphe isisu. Kucacile ukuba ukuzalwa komntwana kukuvuyisa kakhulu ebomini kwanoma yimuphi umfazi, kwanao mfana oselula. Kodwa akusoloko kunokwenzeka ukushiya umntwana, kuba umntwana ufuna ukubonelela ngezimo eziqhelekileyo, eziya kufuna uncedo lwabantwana bakhe ubuncinane. Ngoko ke, kufuneka sihlolisise imeko, nokuba ngaba abazali baya kuncedisa, uyise wexesha elizayo umntwana kunye nosapho lwakhe. Kodwa kulungile ukukhumbula ukuba ukuba kukho ithuba lokulondoloza umntwana, ngoko kufuneka lenziwe. Kwaye akunjalo nokuba ubomi obancinci buyinto engabalulekanga, nangona kunjalo ngokuqinisekileyo, ukukhupha isisu akunakwenzeka kwimpilo yabasetyhini. Kwaye ukukhupha isisu kusenokuba yingozi ngakumbi, kungekhona nje ukuxinezeleka kwengqondo kwengqondo, ingxaki yendalo ingabandakanyeka ngongenelelo olunjalo, oluza kubangela iingxaki ezahlukahlukeneyo kule ndawo, kwaye kungabikho kobubele. Ngoko, xa ukhetha ukukhipha isisu, kufuneka ucinge ngale sigqibo ngaphezu kwesinye. Ukucima ubushushu "umfana uya kuphosa, abazali bayamemeza, kodwa abahlobo abayiqondi" kwaye unqume ukulukisa umntwana akuyimfuneko. Okokuqala, kufuneka uhlalise (ewe, imeko ayilula, kodwa loo nto ayikho yodwa, abanye abantu baye bafumana indlela yokuphuma, oko kuthetha ukuba uya kuzifumana) kwaye uthetha nabo bonke abantu abanomdla - abazali kunye nesoka lakho.
Ndingamxelela njani umfana ukuba ndikhulelwe?
Ukucinga malunga nento oyenzayo, ukuba ngaba ukhulelwe, ewe, ufuna ukuxelela yonke uyise womntwana. Kodwa kukho ukwesaba "ukuba uya kuqonda, kodwa akayi kutyhalala emva kweendaba ezinjalo". Kwimeko nayiphi na into, kuyimfuneko ukuthetha, kwaye nangona ingaqondi, isigqibo malunga nokukhipha isisu kufuneka sithathwe kuphela ngumama ozayo. Indlela yokumxelela ngayo ngoku kuxhomekeke kuphela kulwalamano lwakho. Ukuba akukho ukuqinisekiswa kwindlela efanelekileyo yokuphendula (kwaye impendulo enjalo ayenzeki kwii-98% zamatyala), ke kungcono ukuxelela ngesiganeko esivuyisayo ngefowuni. Ngoko kulula kuwe, kwaye akadingi ukuba "ubambe ubuso bakhe". Ungalindelanga ukuba uya kubonisa ngokukhawuleza isimo sengqondo sakhe sokugqibela kulo mcimbi. Ngokubanzi akukhathazeki, oontanga wakho ngumfana okanye umdala kunani, nangayiphi na isidalwa sesintu, iindaba zokukhulelwa komlingane akulindelekanga kwaye azihlali zihle. Ngoko ke, uya kufuna ixesha lokuba aqonde ezi ndaba. Mhlawumbi, okokuqala kuya kuthiwa kunye namazwi anomsindo, akudingekile kwisiseko sabo ukuba bathathe isigqibo malunga nexesha elizayo lomntwana. Ngokuqhelekileyo abafana, emva kokucinga malunga neemeko iintsuku eziliqela, baqaphele uxanduva lwabo kwaye bajonge ukukhupha intombazana ukuba ikhuphe isisu. Kodwa nangona loo mntu echasene nayo, xelela abazali bakho uze uzicinge ukuba ufuna lo mntwana.
Indlela yokuxelela umama nobaba malunga nokukhulelwa?
Abazali abaninzi, beva ukuba intombi yabo encinane ikhulelwe, i-roll scandals, iqala ukuthetha ngexesha elizayo, kunye nezinye izinto ezingathandekiyo. Into ephambili kulo mzuzwana awuyi kuhluthwa kwiimvakalelo, ukunika abazali ithuba lokuba "bayidle" le ndaba. Uninzi lwabazali emva kwengcamango evakalayo iyavuma ukuba intombazana ifanele ixhaswe, kungakhathaliseki ukuba isigqibo sokwenza isisu okanye ukushiya umntwana. Akukufanelekanga ukudlulisa ibali malunga neemeko zakho kubazali, baya kufumanisa kwangaphambili, baya kuqonda kwaye bayamkele (bamkele) isikhundla sakho esitsha, nangayiphi na imeko kuya kubakho ukuqinisekiswa, uya kuba sele uyayazi ukuba ubani omele ulindele uncedo kuye, kwaye ngubani ongakufanelekanga kuye.