Xa ebomini bethu kukho umcimbi obalulekileyo, sifuna imvume okanye inkxaso evela kubantu abasondele kuthi. Kwaye ezo zihlala zizalana, kuba icandelo "abantu abasondeleyo" liquka abahlobo. Kwaye asiyiqondi indlela esinokuphila ngayo xa kungekho zihlobo. Kodwa, ngelanga, kwenzeka. Kodwa kutheni kuvela ukuba umntu akanalo abahlobo, ngoku sizama ukuyiqonda.
Kutheni ndingabi nabangane nonke?
- Impendulo yombuzo othi kutheni ndingenabahlobo nonke, ingqondo yengqondo icebisa ukuba ndijonge mna, kungekhona kwabanye. Nangona kunjalo, kuya kuba neengqiqo, kuba ubhala kwiifom: "Uncedo, andinalo nabangane ukuba ndiyenze ntoni?", Abantu abajikelezileyo abahambelani ukuze bangene kubahlobo. Ngaba unokuthi imeko ihlukile? Ewe, kuyinyaniso, ukungabi nabangane kungaxhunyiwe, zombini ngokubonakala komntu, kunye nokungazithembi kwakhe. Ngoku siza kuqwalasela izizathu ezinokwenzeka kakhulu.
- Uthi ke ngoku awunabahlobo, kodwa ngaba bekade bekhona? Ukuba kukho, yintoni eyathonya ukunyamalala kwabo: ukuhamba, ukuguqula imisebenzi (indawo yokufunda), ukutshata, ukuba nomntwana? Ukuba kunjalo, ngoko akudingeki ukhathazeke, yonke into ihlelekile, ukuguqula umdla ngexesha lobomi lendalo. Kwaye ukuba awunomdla kwizihlobo zentendelezo (okwenene, ukuba bekungekho abahlobo abasondeleyo phakathi kwabo), oko kuthetha ukuba usanda kutshintshwa kwelinye iqanaba ebomini bakho. Musa ukuxhalaba, qhagamshelana nalabo banomdla kuwe ngoku, kwaye abahlobo baya kubonakala bavele. Ukuba kukho ukuphuka nomhlobo osondelene kakhulu, ngoko kufuneka uzibuze umbuzo omnye: "Ngaba wayeyindoda enkulu?" Ukuba kunjalo, kwaye ukungqubuzana kwenzekile ngenxa yento ethile yobundlobongela, ngoko kukuthintela ukuhlaziya ubuhlobo? Emva koko, sibaxolela abahlobo bethu abasenyongweni, kwaye mhlawumbi ekutshatheni kwemizwa, ngokungafanelekanga ujonge imeko. Ewe, ukuba kukho into eyenzekayo engazange ixolelwe kuye nabani nanini, ke yintoni na lo mhlobo oye wavuma ukuziphatha okunjalo?
- Nsuku zonke uyazibuza umbuzo: "Kutheni ndingenabahlobo kwaye ndingenabohlobo", kwaye awufumani impendulo? Ewe, makhe sicinge kunye. Mhlawumbi awazi nje ukuba ungabahlobo kwaye ungafuni. Ndixelele, uyavuya ukujonga ngokwakho kwisibuko? Ukuba kulungile, sele kulungile. Kuthiwani ngendlela yentetho? Ngaba unako ukuhlambalaza abantu abangaziwayo, ucinge ukuba izinga labo lophuhliso lusezantsi kuneyakho kwaye unganqikazi ukulubonisa? Ngaba ucinga ukuba bonke abantu behlabathi banetyala kuwe, kodwa awufuni ukunikela nantoni na? Kalula nje, awuthandi bonke abantu ngaphandle kokungafani, kodwa ufuna ukuba babe ngabahlobo nawe? Akunakwenzeka ukuba ukuziphatha okunjalo kunokufumana kuphela ngabafunayo abanokugula okanye abalandeli (ukuba ungumntu ovelele ngokwenene), kodwa abahlobo. Awufuni ukutshintsha? Emva koko gxotha ingcamango yokufumana abahlobo kwaye usebenzise ukuzodwa, kuba nokuba umntu onobugulane kunye nomntu onothando akanakuzimelela ngolu hlobo lonke ixesha.
- Ukhangele impendulo yombuzo othi: "Kutheni ndingenabahlobo abasondeleyo, nangona abantu befuna ukunxibelelana nam"? Ukungabikho kwabahlobo, kubandakanywa okufutshane, kunokubangelwa uhlobo lomntu.
Kukho abantu abanjalo, babizwa ngokuba ngabangeniso, abangenayo imfuneko yokunxibelelana rhoqo; bahlala bengenalo ihlabathi labo elingaphakathi. Musa ukudibanisa ne-narcissism. I-introvert ingaba mnandi kakhulu ekukhulumisaneni nomntu, kodwa yena, njengobunzima, uloyiko ukuvumela abanye abantu basondele kuye. Ngenxa yokwenkqisayo ukubeka iimvakalelo zakho kunye nemicabango yakho kumnye umntu, phi isiqinisekiso sokuthi akayi kukwenza ulahleko ethempelini yomphefumlo? Ukuba le yimeko yakho, ngoko kuphela into onokuyicebisa ukuba ufunde ukuthembela abantu ngokuncinci. Emva kwakho konke, uninzi lwabantu abajikelezileyo ngabantu abalungileyo nabanobucayi, kodwa awuboni, kuba bavalelwe kwigobolondo yabo.